Happy Birthday Tevin Campbell!!!- Toya

What yall know about this jam?

Grandma's Hands- Toya

There is a part of me that is still in shock that she is gone. I miss my friend very, VERY much. I have never felt this kind of grief before but I am doing alright. Thank you so much everyone for your prayers and concern. They have meant so much and has encouraged me to want to be there for people who experience loss. I am not in a place where I can write about this right now because like I said, I am still in shock. I just don't believe that she is not here and won't be here.

"Grandma's hands
Soothed a local unwed mother
Grandma's hands
Used to ache sometimes and swell
Grandma's hands
Used to lift her face and tell her,
"Baby, Grandma understands
That you really love that man
Put yourself in Jesus hands"
Grandma's hands" - excerpt from "Grandma's Hands" by Bill Withers

Update

Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know that Toya's grandmother passed away last night. Please send your prayers out to her and the rest of her family.

 

Thanks

Update on My Grandmother- Toya

Tomorrow my brother, mom and aunt are going to Louisiana to go love on my grandmother. The doctors are giving her only a few more days to live. I don't believe it. I don't mean I don't believe them. I mean I don't believe this is happening. I have never ever dealt with the possibility of someone close to me dying. I have been taking note of this process so slowly. There have been so many ups and downs. I have been tired of praying. I sometimes don't know what to think.

I am confident that when she passes away, whenever she passes away, every significant moment to come in my life will feel incomplete without having her here to share with her. I know that this is just a part of life and God has been so merciful with all of us. I am glad that we will all be there together.

Love everyone well.

BGLU News- Toya

As some of you might know, Mia Michaels AKA "Who Toya would be if she were a white woman" has up and left So You Think You Can Dance. *Tear* Seriously, I don't even know if I want to watch it anymore. People.com has the exclusive on why she left and NO, she does not have cancer.

Corinne Bailey Rae is slated to release her new CD "The Sea", her first studio recording following the sudden death of her husband Jason Rae in 2008, early 2010. We sure have missed her. Guardian UK has an exclusive interview with Rae about her upcoming project and dealing with the grief of losing her husband.

Some girlfriends of mine and I went to go see Chris Rock's "Good Hair" last weekend and wait, before I get into this: Can I just say that behind a whole row of us was a whole row of gay white men? Not going to lie, we were all pretty puzzled by that. My friend Christine barely let the closing credits roll up before she turned around to ask "Ok, what in the hell are yall doing here?" I then added, "Are yall hairdressers?" LOL! Not at all taken aback by our nosiness, they said that they saw Chris Rock on Oprah and just had to see this movie. Anyway, it is indeed a MUST see. Child, you will find out somethings about weaves that you DID NOT want to know. This movie contained so much great info about relaxers, men's view on weaves, and to my delight, their was a sub-plot about a hair show in Atlanta. There is nothing I love more than Hot Mess Championships! Take your girls (and not just your black ones) and go support this film.

Maxwell and his pretty wings have four nominations for the 2009 Soul Train Music Awards. That's cool and all but when in the world is Soul Train even on? ANYBODY??? Also leading with nominations are Keri Hilson and Beyonce'. Check out the story at UrbanMecca.Net.

Ok, I don't get paid for this yet so back to work. Feel free to throw in your two cents in our comments...

Jordan Idol Hits Nashville- Toya

No, I am not going but yall can have at it! Today at Hollywood Disco from 4-6 pm on Division Street. If you decide to go don't be surprised that there are poles in this club. It used to be a strip club. I'm sorry, a "Gentlemen's Club". Like any gentlemen were ever in there...

MJ's "This is It"- Toya



I saw This is It last night and while I don't have time to review it completely and understand that a lot of people won't see it until this weekend, I will only say two things until I do a full review:

1. If you are any type of creative person (dancer/singer/musician/director/filmmaker/set designer, etc) or work with any creative people, take your behind to go see this movie. I don't care how you feel about Michael Jackson. If you are in school, you should get extra credit for it. If you are fully employed in your craft, it should be a requirement. This whole movie is a "clinic" on showmanship and professionalism.

2. It is almost safe to assume that I will marry a Michael Jackson impersonator. My obsession is off the hook right now.

More to come...

Wait for You- Toya

Yesterday, I got into my car after church and called my dad who has been in Shreveport, LA for almost a month now since my grandmother went in due to congestive heart failure. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders within the past week as she was alert, talking on the phone and breathing on her own. It was the miracle we had prayed for. So when my dad picked up the phone to give me the latest news, I was in complete and utter disbelief.

Hey baby, it doesn't look like Grandmuffa is going to make it, okay?

"Grandmuffa" is one of the many nicknames we have for my grandmother. It came from my not being able to say the word "grandmother" as a baby and it stuck. As long as I can remember, that is how she has signed every Christmas card, birthday card and email. As my dad started to explain why it looked like my grandmother was not going to make it due to fluid building up in her body and other trauma (which we learned later was caused by a heart attack she had in her sleep), I was still stuck on the not gonna make it part. "Wait, what happened?" I interrupted. I honestly thought that he meant that she wasn't going to make it out of the hospital that day. I didn't think that he meant that possibly soon she wasn't going to be with us at all.

I went on to ask him how he was feeling and he was extremely candid with me. As hard as this has been for all of us, there have been some blessings to come out of this storm. I have seen a lot of growth in my father. While his honesty has been heartbreaking for me at times, it has also helped me know how I can support him. I remember when I asked him if he would like for me to pray for him. He paused and then quietly said "Please". I still don't know how I managed to get any words out after that.

As my dad poured out to me what he was feeling, I started to think that the most important thing to me was that he was not mad at God. I feel that God has been so gracious in giving us time to wrap our minds around the possibility of my grandmother not surviving. Some people don't get that chance. I remember when Kanye West's mom died unexpectedly. He was on the other side of the world. I can't imagine getting that kind of news and then having to fly sixteen hours with that weighing on your heart. God has been so good. My father agrees. We talked as if we knew that this might be it as he headed back to the hospital and he asked me if I was okay. "Yeah, I'm alright." "I don't want you to be by yourself. Go find someone to talk to if you need to."he said. I explained to him that I was just about to meet someone for lunch so I wasn't going to be alone. However, I know myself. I hate crying in front of people so there was no way I would be going through with my lunch date. We said our goodbyes and I sat in the car stunned. I text my apologies to my lunch date and asked if we could postpone. She sympathetically agreed and I remained in the car.

As much as I hate to cry in front of people, sometimes I can only cry in front of people. It can take me days to cry about something sometimes. I feared that if I sat there, it may have been an hour before I would let myself cry. I looked up and saw my friend, Jay walking towards his car that was parked directly in back of mine. Looking back I can say that Jay was the perfect person for me to see at that moment. I didn't have to explain anything to him. I didn't have to try and be strong. I just needed to be honest. Without thinking twice, I got out of my car and walked towards him.

"Jay, my grandmother is dying".

He hugged me and I started crying. I hadn't cried about this whole ordeal not one time. I sometimes think that crying shows a lack of belief. I know that's not true but for me, that's just how I try to keep my head up to keep on believing. Sometimes I just refuse to let myself be sad. The strange thing is my body doesn't always feel the same way. So when I finally do cry, it is the harshest, most ugly cry EVER(to me). Hence, why I don't often cry in front of people.

We moved over to the sidewalk and I began to tell him what my dad told me. My dad said that after she had her latest crisis, she told him to not try to revive her if it happened again. She was tired of being in pain and wanted to go on and be with Jesus. I then told Jay something that I thought I would never admit out loud. "You know, this is going to sound awful but I hate this world right now. I really do. It's just not getting better so if she wants to peace out, I don't blame her." I told my grandmother that since she said she was going to make it, I was going to hold her to that. However, if she decided otherwise, I will stand with her just the same. It's just more important to me that she doesn't give up out of fear or out of feeling she is being a burden to anyone. I later talked to my mother who mentioned that outside of birthing my dad and uncle and simple out-patient surgery, my grandmother has never had a hospital stay ever. She has always been healthy and fiercely independent. She has always taken care of everyone else. So having so many people taking care of her is probably something that she is having a very hard time dealing with.

After saying thanks and goodbye to Jay, I went home, climbed into the bed and stared at the ceiling. "You know," I said out loud to God, "that's Your child. Whatever You and Annie decide on is alright with me. Bottom line, you know what's best. Even if she doesn't want to be here, You have the final say. Yall work it out." Of course I want her to be here for all of my life's coming adventures. I want her to be here to laugh at how hilarious my father is going to act when I get married. I want her to be here so we can talk more about our shared appreciation for Adam Rodriguez (who she has far been hip to longer than I have), and other things we can talk on the phone about for hours. As much as I want her here, only God knows about the long run. I have had to do a lot of releasing these past few weeks. Not just with my grandmother but with other people close to me in my life. Sometimes we try to keep people so close to us. When I get to heaven, God is not going to ask me how I managed to keep up with Tia, my parents, my brother, and grandmother; My fears of letting go and letting life happen has no control over anyone. As much as I love my grandmother, she has her own relationship with God. She loves Him and I don't doubt that He not only loves her but is absolutely tickled by her. I am a firm believer that while God loves all of us, He may not like everyone. But Annie? He likes her lots. She's comedy.

Presently, my grandmother is stable and so are we. She is not in pain and for the most part she is comfortable. I didn't think she was going to make it past yesterday but then again, who am I? I have absolutely no idea what God and Grandmuffa have going on. And judging by what my she has shared with my father, something is definitely going on. I am so proud of my grandmother, best girlfriend, hero, and role model. She has always been a model of what a true strong lady does in good times and bad. While we love her so much, God loves her more. Whatever she and God decide, I am grateful either way.

Update on my Grandmother: Praise the Lord!!!! She is off of the ventilator and breathing on her own. Her vitals are good and she is going to start rehabilatation. I am very happy and relieved. I appreciate all of your prayers. Love, Toya

New Music: John Mayer - Heartbreak Warfare (Official Music Video)

You know I (Toya) pretty much get behind whatever John Mayer does. I could not WAIT to hear this because I always want to hear what he has to say in his music. It's like getting a new book of poetry from your favorite poet. I really dig this and the video reminds me of old school Dire Straits. *Still listening* Okay the bridge? Yes, Lord. LOVE LOVE LOVE it from the bridge to the end. Can't wait for the album.

Dear 2009, I Beg of You: Please Stop.- Toya, BGLU

I am sitting here at my desk and I see Tia's Facebook status:

"I'm in the BK!"

And then all of a sudden...

O...M...G

My best friend has just moved 12 hours away. NYC is NOT Atlanta. What in the...

On top of that, my grandmother who is my FAVORITE homie of all time is fighting the good fight in a hospital in Shreveport, LA.

And then on top of that some family stuff is going on that I am also trusting and believing God to work out but that doesn't mean it's not hard to handle.

I...you know...I can't even ... I really can't.

*blank stare*

Must Read Blog Post of the Day- Jason Jaggard "Ask. Her. Out"

Jason Jaggard at http://jaggard.blogspot.com posted this simple yet profound and yet OH SO FREAKING SIMPLE post challenging men to just simply ask a woman out. What I appreciate about this so much is that this is a man talking to men about dating and not a woman trying to give men a clue. If more men would challenge men, I think it would help them out a great deal. As I stated at the women's retreat I spoke, as iron sharpens iron, men sharpen men. Women can simply polish.

He gives some great and logical reasons why men should step up. My favorite being:

I'm not going to lie-- she may not be "the one." Let's be honest: she probably isn't. But you should still ask her out anyway.
Why? Because right now your tail is hanging where your masculinity should be: between your legs.

In other words, ask her out. It's not that serious.

Ladies reach out your hands towards your computer monitors and pray:

God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. May the truth set some of these men free. Cause seriously? Even Stevie Wonder can see that single people nowadays are in some mess.

BGLU News: Black Girls Rock! Awards Goes Down for Its Fourth Year

I think it goes without saying that Tia and I should have BEEN to at least ONE of these within the past four years but I am going to try and contain my composure. Our girl Crystal "Crys Breezy" Williams over at The Breezy Effect Blog has the rundown on the night that gave Mary J. Blige, Raven Symone, Sonia Sanchez, Spinderella and many other deserving sistas their due. For more info on Black Girls Rock founded by the incredible DJ Beverly Bond go to http://www.blackgirlsrockinc.com/

Here's a Bit of Bullshishery for Your Day...

Diddy Loses Ring on Set of BET's 106 and Park. Orders Set Locked Down (EURWEB.COM)

So let me get this straight: this nut came out "making it rain" (CAN WE PLEASE BURY THIS PHRASE IN THE OVERUSED PHRASE GRAVEYARD?!) and lost his $20,000 ring in the process? I don't see the reason for the tantrum. He came out like money aint a thing so what's the issue? Aint no way in the world Tia and I would've been up in there held hostage. We would've peaced out singing "Aint nothin' gonna hold me down. Oh no! We got to keep on movin'..."

*Sigh* I can't.

Mos Def in Japan on Embedded (Hulu.com)- Toya

There are two things that I am currently obssessed with: fashion and Tokyo. I have NO idea why. Add those things to a doc with Mos Def, someone that I have ALWAYS been somewhat obsessed with, and it's a win-win.

I am going some day. I swear it.

Back to dreaming...

Stuff and Things - Tia

- I got a job. After four trips to NY/NJ and three interviews with 15 different people at ONE company, I was offered a one year contract position that can be extended indefinitely. The job is in Jersey City, so needless to say...

- I'm moving to (you have to sing it like Alicia Keys in Empire State of Mind) NEW YORK!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OF!! THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO!!!! Now the issue becomes packing my apartment here, finding an apartment I can afford in NYC and figuring out how I'm going to deal with the first real winter I've had to experience in 9 years, because for the last 9 winters I've been in the south or the southeast. I have not experienced REAL cold since I was in college and my mom lived in Ohio. (Lake effect snow, anyone???)

- While I'm telling you, dear readers, that I'm moving, there aren't a whole lot of other people that I'm telling. I'm basically using this move as something of a reset button. I'm surrendering my life and all parts of it to God's will. I'm leaving the junk and the junky people behind me and looking forward. I've laid down my heart and my desires at Jesus' feet and I'm running toward the Father to let him have my life and lead me where he needs me to go. It's refreshing and scary all at the same time. I wish I could expound more on the reset button thing but I honestly, don't have a.) the guts to share it all and b.) the words to articulate it. So just know that this is truly my new season. And I'll run with it no matter how hard or unfamiliar it may be.

- I latch on to songs. I will find a song and play it until it dies. Currently on repeat is Elliott Yamin's Always. Child.....I haven't listened to much else for the last few days. I love the idea of love. I love the idea of someone loving me. And I know love isn't perfect but I want to believe that at the end of day when love actually finds me (or I it, or however it goes) that that man will always, always, always love me. Anyway, this song is the business and is along that train of thought.



I thought I was going to have to go stalk Elliott in Japan, but he's doing the The River's Christmas show in Nashville this year and I fully intend to do everything in my power to be there. BGLU needs to talk to Elliott. He needs to know about what's REALLY good.

- I have moved 4 times in 2 years. I SOOOOO don't want to have to physically make this move. I'm so close to giving my furniture away that I don't know what to do with myself. Moving is NOT the business.

- Bed Stuy. That's all I'm saying.

- I have to continue packing now...ugh!!

Can We Talk? - Toya
Real Housewives of Atlanta: I Can't.

Now lest I start sounding all holier than thou, let me go ahead and confess that I watch my fair share of tomfoolery. Cheaters? Yes, please, and in a DVD box set if available. Daisy of Love? Unfortunately, yes. I can get behind a bunch of men doing relay races for a woman's affections much quicker than if it is the other way around. Making His/The Band? Yes because I am amazed that people still want anything to do with Diddy and his business, umm, tactics. But Real Housewives of Atlanta? I'll pass.

Trust that I have seen RHOA a few times. I saw a few episodes during the first season before they kicked off Deshawn Snow (the only cast member that had any good sense) for having any good sense and replaced her with Kandi Burgess, formerly of Xscape. This brings me to my first point: How is this show called Real Housewives of Atlanta and only two of the cast members, Lisa Wu Hartwell and Nene Leakes, are housewives? Anyone? Is it that difficult to find five actual housewives in Atlanta who are all friends? Apparently, because what happens on this show is far from friendship.

I am fortunate enough to be friends with some of the best ladies one could ever find; one of which I share this blog. Not one of them is "messy" as the old folks would say. Not only are they outstanding but they live their lives in such a way that none of them have the time to fuss over nonsense like these affluent women on RHOA do. I can't even imagine one of my friends being in an uproar over the fact that someone claims that a bad wig is her actual hair. For real? Also, we love each other a bit too much to encourage a friend to record a record when we KNOW they can't sing. I mean, they could cut a record if they wanted to but if they were real enough to ask what we thought, we would be real enough to tell her the truth: "Honey there are so many things that you are tremendously talented in. Singing is not one of those things." And that dating a married man bullshishery?! NO MA'AM! Would not fly! I will admit that because my soul doeth delight in a hot mess, I was fortunate enough to catch the reunion when NeNe told Kim to keep her "legs closed to married men". I'm not going to lie, that brought me joy. But to have as much money as they do and spend that much time constantly bickering and then trying to mend relationships with women that you really don't like is ridiculous to me. That's really the bottom line of why I can't tolerate this show.

Am I a hater? If you've read this blog long enough, you know that the answer is yes. I am indeed a player hater. I HATE when people play too much and that is what they seem to do on this show. They play entirely too much. Life is too short to play around and surround yourself with toxic females. I am glad to say that for richer or for poorer, I have some great girlfriends. When we start making RHOA money, I doubt if that will change. Does mo' money always have to lead to mo' problems, especially their kind of petty problems? One thing I can say is that my girls have integrity and good foundations. If any of them started to trip, I don't think there would be any back and forth and all of these meetings on who said what. Again, who has that kind of time?

But I haven't cut myself entirely off from the show. I have put some friends on alert that if Sheree's ex-party planner comes back that I am to know this at once. "Whose gonna check me, boo?" has got to be one of my favorite television show quotes from one of the best reality tv show fights of all time (right behind "Keep your legs closed to married men"). Also, I hear that Dwight Eubanks, NeNe's hairdresser, is allegedly coming out with a spin off reality show about his salon. I absolutely love salon drama! But RHOA altogether? No thanks. I'll pass and celebrate the fact that I have some great women in my space to walk this life out with sans the drama. Thoughts?