Hey Jill Scott's coming out with a Collaborations record in between studio albums. I can't wait for her new stuff.
PLEASE READ THE BLOG AFTER THIS FIRST BEFORE READING THIS ONE
After last night's tirade, I woke up with this question "What could a guy ACTUALLY do for me?". Honestly, besides the obvious answer, it took me a while to come up with an answer.
I started to remember last Thursday when I was working a Stellars Award event. Our friend Grant who works in the industry asked Tia and I to assist with a benefit concert he was throwing. My job was to be a talent escort (which basically takes an artist from here to there on time) for Kenny Lattimore and Chante Moore. For those of you that don't know, Kenny Lattimore and Chante Moore are married and have had very successful solo R&B careers but are now performing love songs and gospel songs together. It was a real treat to see them interact with each other.
Chante's personality is very similar to mine: gregarious, outgoing and very personable. Kenny is very friendly but shy and in his own words, can be sometimes "dramatic". Chante wants to run in the middle of the crowd and watch her favorite artists sing before it is time for her to go on. Kenny would rather hide out in the green room and get mentally prepared. Chante will tease and poke you even if she has known you all but 5 minutes. Kenny will very politely asks if something is ok in order to not be a problem. While Chante's personality seems to be stronger than Kenny's, I realized that that doesn't make Kenny weaker. He is very strong and a good leader. What does he do for incredibly gorgeous, can have any guy she wants, has her own money, headstrong Chante' Moore? He allows her to be herself.
It is more important than anything in this world when it comes to relationships that I be with someone who allows me to be my complete fool self. Mr. Wrong Guy loves it when I am myself. He is shy but thinks my eccentricity is adorable and often tells me so. He has the right words to say when I am having a bad day. He makes me feel like I can say anything and because of that I do. I don't feel that I am crushing him when I turn into Toya the Spaz who randomly wants to bring up the fact that I have six different lip glosses in my purse. (Ooh, run out right after you read this and buy EVERY single Victoria Secret lip gloss. They are flavored, they are glittery and they are 2 for $10. They are the BEST!). I could talk to him all day long so I guard my heart as much as possible and try to keep communication to a minimum. We both have goals and encourage each other in them. With him, I don't constantly have to think about all that I have to do and how busy I am and about all of the pressures that come with being a strong independent woman trying to pursue her own business. We are nothing alike but I have never been more attracted to someone's personality as I am his and that is dangerous. Our personalities compliment each other: I bring the excitement and he brings the calm. So what can a man give me? He can give me a break.
There are a lot of Right Guys that can learn some things from the Wrong Guys. Wrong Guys aren't afraid to ask the hard questions or any questions for that matter. They will take their time and get to know you. The Wrong Guys aren't lazy, they are patient. The Wrong Guys are dangerous but the Wrong Guys are fun.
Tia just recently had a dream where there were a group of women on an escape mission. Everytime we tried to escape all it took was one guy to catch one of us slippin' and our escape was foiled. I wish that I could explain it in the way she told me. As she was telling me this dream, the message was clear: one wrong guy cannot only screw up your future but can also put a wrench in the destiny of your friends. Case in point, I was constantly let down in my friendships in my early 20's cause I had a string of girlfriends who had unplanned pregnancies. There were so many things that we wanted to do together but all it took was one night and one wrong guy to mess everything up for us all. No matter how sweet the Wrong Guys seem to be, the Wrong Guy can mess it up for me, for Tia, for my clients, for my niece and goddaughter, and for anyone I mentor and who carefully watches my life for an example. It's not just my life at stake.
I don't know if I need a man. What I do know is that God supplies my needs. I do know that if I do indeed need a man, He will show me that I do. Wait, I am definitely over spiritualizing this right now. You know what, let’s be real here: My hormones know that I need a man but my pride makes it impossible for me to admit that I do. Even thinking about admitting that makes my stomach hurt so I'll let Jill Scott say it....
I could be a congresswoman
Or a garbage woman
or Police officer,
or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me, Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
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