Not a lot has worked out the way I thought it would have by now. I had plans for my life at age 15, 20, 30 and beyond. One of my goals was getting back in the physical shape that I know my body can handle. I've always played sports. I come from a long line of really athletic people. But with time and age and a heavy traveling schedule accompanied by a $70 per diem, I found myself not only not meeting my fitness goals but, well...pudgy.
At the beginning of the year I decided it was time to make a change. I decided that while I couldn't necessarily make things go completely the way I envisioned them, at the very least I could take charge of my health. If Halle Berry can look like this at 36
and Demi Moore could look like this at 41
I began working out. Hard. I was vigilant...until I got hurt. I'd set so many goals for my body with the "done by" date falling on my 30th birthday. (Hush!!) But in the weeks leading up to the big day, I found myself with a knee fracture and in a stabilization boot. Bummed doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm quite hard on myself. So even though, I'd managed to get into a size smaller pair of skinny jeans, nothing else on my body checklist had come to pass.
So on top of having a hard time dealing with my age, I found myself having to really come to terms with my body issues. There was A LOT of alcohol the evening before my birthday.
Now, I KNOW no "body" is perfect. I've seen the extent to which magazines airbrush and there are make-up artists out there who are MAGICIANS. So understand me when I say that though I'm hard on myself, I try VERY HARD not to be unrealistic about my body. The fact of the matter is I come from muscular, dense boned people. And not in the cop out, "I'm big boned and that's why I'm 200 lbs overweight" kind of way. But in the "doctor did a bone density test and I fall in the dense bone category" way. So I know what my body is capable of and I also know when I'm carrying too much weight.
After sobering up and eating cake and Cheetos for lunch, I decided that it was time to really take action. No more excuses. I'd been cleared by my ortho to return to regular exercise. And being the highly competitive, goal driven person that I am, I quickly settled on doing the Insanity workout. I figured if I wanted true results, I'd have to put in true work. Oh sweet Lord.
I'd like to say that I jumped right into the workout with ease. That I breezed right through it and scoffed at John T as he put me through the paces. I'd like to say all of that...but it would be a bold faced lie. Insanity is aptly named. Because you basically have to be stark-raving MAD to try it and stick with it.
In all of my year of running suicide drills, swimming miles every morning and working out with Nazi sadistic trainers, I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER had a workout like this. Just the warm-ups had me wheezing. I'm talking "Did my lung just detach?" wheezing. More times than I care to admit, I was certain I was going to pass out. Insanity is NOT A GAME. Even with no weights, it pushes you to the absolute brink. (My brother did Insanity last year and he said, "The reason you don't use weights is because if you did, you'd most certainly DIE!" This coming from a college athlete.)
I found myself talking about John T's mother (Apologies ma'am), his face and everything else I could think to insult as he screamed at me to, "Dig Deeper." And don't even get me started on the girl with the brown hair to his right. I REALLY dislike that broad. I do, however, like the girl who cursed at him when he asked how she was feeling. Mostly because I completely understood her pain.
I actually dreaded getting up for day two. My body was not having it. But my mind and my vanity reminded me of the skinny jeans that are the next size down. I remembered how good I felt when I got into my first pair of "goal" jeans. And I long for the days when I feel physically strong because I've worked out and eaten accordingly. So even though the muscles in my back and arms protested to the highest imaginable level of remonstration, I got up, laced up my shoes and powered through the next day's workout.
Yes, I did say unkind things about John T and the brown haired girl. Yes, I did almost start crying during the squat push-up thingies. Yes, I did have to do the walking push-ups on my knees because I can't do the real ones yet. But you know what, I finished the workout. And for now, that's a big accomplishment. One day I'll be able to do every move in the video and and do it WITHOUT cursing John T's name. But for now I have to keep working where I am. That's all any of us can do really.
So I encourage you to start somewhere. If you're thinking about working out, losing weight and getting healthy I applaud you. I know that first step can be scary. Walking into gyms full of toned, sexy, athletic people is enough to intimidate the best of us. And starting a workout program you can barely get through (or possibly can't get through at all) is discouraging. But I PROMISE you can do it. Take one step, then the next. You don't necessarily have to see the finish line, you just have to be able to see the starting point.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm need to take some hardcore pain relievers because my EVERYTHING hurts.